We are alive and well...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

...Okay, okay: this is technically a Christmas picture, but I couldn't resist showing the world those adorable chubby cheeks!!!!

I just realized how pathetic it is that I have gone almost two full months without blogging. Bad blogger!

I am currently working on a few posts - my "favorites and least favorites" in terms of baby products (just as much for my own benefit for future children as for any others'), a "things I've learned" post, and who knows what else.... but then Lily will yell at me from the swing, or I succumb to sleep under the influence of this nasty virus I am living with right now... and they are again sitting unfinished on blogspot. Oh yeah, THAT'S why I haven't updated! Weekly updates should be my New Year's Resolution...

I am the mother of a little piggy!!!!

We had our two-week appointment for Lily yesterday, which makes me unspeakably proud and slightly bewildered that we have successfully taken care of a tiny helpless life for that long. It also makes me sad, however: I cannot believe how quickly time is racing by already. Soon I will have to trudge back to work and right after that she will be in college with as fast as she is growing. Sigh.

Speaking of growing.....

As most who have had a child/will have one soon know, babies often lose up to 10% of their birth weight in their first few days of life, and doctors generally want to see it return to their birth weight by the time they are two weeks old. That means Lily, who was 7 lbs, 8 oz, when she was born and then 7 lbs, 1 oz, four days later, should have gained back those seven ounces by yesterday. Now I was totally freaking out about this, because honestly, Lily is a wonderful baby. She rarely cries more than a minute or so, and is very easy to calm down.

What does this have to do with her weight? She often sleeps 2.5- to 3-hour stretches through the day and wakes when she's hungry; often at night it's more like 3.5 hours. Since I'm feeding on demand, I try to let her tell me when she's hungry - which does mean she eats once an hour every once in awhile - though I do wake her if it's more than 3 hours in the day or 3.5-4 at night to feed her. Unfortunately, that doesn't sync with the recommended 8-12 feedings breastfed babies need.... she almost always gets 7 feedings a day (never less, though). If I feed her more often, she gets overfull and tends to spit up more. I have been stressing that she wouldn't regain her weight and I'd be accused of child neglect or something.

...Turns out, I was stressed for nothing. My chunky monkey weighed 8 lbs, 2 oz yesterday. That's right: she's gained over a full pound in a week and a half. Crazy!!!!!! The pediatrician was not in the least concerned with the amount of feedings she was getting since she has been gaining so well. Whew!!!!

In other news, things are going well; my husband went back to work Monday and I've managed to keep my daughter alive and well for the past two days... so far so good, haha! Bre.ast.fee.ding is going better than before, but still a little rocky: my little monster has a crazy suction and she tends to shift her latch midway through a feeding, so I have been fighting some nasty, painful cracking... the LC I talked to said it may take several weeks for them to totally heal; they are better, but it's a slow process.

I really want to write my birth story here soon before I forget it, but I feel a nap is in order for now while Liliana is doing the same thing.

Welcome to the World, Lily!

That's right: four days before my due date, I FINALLY got to meet the most beautiful person in the world:

Liliana Isabella was finally ready to met her mama and daddy on Monday night, 10/19/09, at 9:37 p.m. after seventeen hours of labor (fourteen of which I spent at home!). She was 7 lbs, 8 oz, and 19 inches long, and has a head fuzzed over with light blonde hair - she takes after her daddy on that. Everyone is happy and doing wonderfully, and we have never been more in love with any one thing in this entire universe.

I cannot think of a more joyous post to create on my due date than that!

...Birth story and of course more pictures to come when I can force myself away from her for more than five minutes!

Pics and Such

I am recording my fun house mirror belly for posterity here... [Click on the belly for full ginormous effect:]

It's hilarious to me how far OUT it can go, yet still doesn't extend past my hips on the sides. I should have take a front shot, too, so you can see the bizarre way it seems to just disappear when you look head-on.

Here are a few pictures of the nursery, too - the swing beside the crib is actually going downstairs once we have something other than a cat to put in it, haha. It actually turns into a bouncer and toddler seat, too. I love it! (click pics to enlarge)

And now for my 39-week update:

How far along? 39 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: 38 lbs. Sigh. (Part of that is actually residual swelling from slacking kidney function, which makes me feel a LITTLE better....)
Maternity clothes? Since I rarely leave the house these days, it's more typically wife beaters and yoga pants
Stretch marks? A few on my hips and such, but surprisingly not on this huge belly
Sleep: What is that?

Best moment this week: I know it's gross, but losing my mucous plug has been super exciting to me
Movement: Still constant - which I appreciate in terms of kick counts, but baffles me: I have no idea how she still has room to move in there! My stomach is so tight the skin is SHINY.
Food cravings: Nothing; pretty much everything makes me feel nauseous at this point
Gender: Two renal ultrasounds this week have still said she's "probably" a girl.... bah
Labor Signs: Sadly less than when I was on pre-term labor meds - but contrax are more intense when they do happen, and are the "real" (non-Braxton Hicks) kind; loss of mucous plug over the course of the week (even a little bloody at one point - but no more progress); nausea; lots of pressure; still only about 1cm dilated... lots of signs, but nothing that necessarily denotes immediate labor, unfortunately

Belly Button in or out? Still in, though super flat. And bruisy.
What I miss: Laying on my right side - kidney swelling on that side has banned that.

What I am looking forward to: Finally going into to real labr, and meeting this precious baby at last! I am dying here.
Weekly Wisdom: No matter how much I want this baby out, it is NOT up to me, and she is obviously staying in utero for a reason - patience is a virtue I am struggling to grasp at this point!

Milestones: All the labor signs, whether they "start" the real thing or not; it' so amazing to see your body do exactly what it should to prime for delivery!

Kidney update!!!

The swelling has improved!!!!! No stent - or surgery - for me!!!!!!!!

(...unless this child turns into an elephant baby before she is born and presses an ungodly amount of pressure on my kidney, that is. Good news is, the doctor doesn't seem to think that is likely.)

I just have to have a few more follow-up ultrasounds/appointments, a few easy-to-follow precautions, and the warning not to panic if I still have tenderness for a few weeks after delivery - apparently it takes awhile sometimes for the swelling to completely go down and the kidney function to return to normal.

*massive sigh of relief*

Oh boy

I am still here, and still pregnant - some days I think, "What am I whining about? I am only 38 weeks and some odd days... most first-time pregnancies go late!" ....Other days I am super exhausted, whiny, and frustrated with the constant contractions that have done NOTHING more than barely dilate me a centimeter. Sigh.

Ahhh, the emotional roller coaster that is pregnancy.

I had a scare Thursday - I started feeling weird back pain on my right side, and all I could think of was, "Ohhhhhh nooooooooo not you too, kidneys!!!"

So they did a urine culture and found a UTI. I can handle that! Got some meds and went to bed.

I woke up about an hour after falling asleep to the pain having escalated to an excruciating pitch - and wouldn't go away. I have to admit, I was hoping more than a little bit that it was actually early labor, but.... to no avail.

We went to L&D at about 2:30am, and after a million tests, they found I DIDN'T have a UTI, my blood work wasn't consistent with a kidney infection, and basically I had stumped the midwives/OBs. They kept suggesting a virus or pulled muscle, but it just didn't seem right to me. Thank goodness they agreed when I begged for an ultrasound of my kidneys (...I'd like to think they were already planning on it: they were just making me feel smart about suggesting it. :D).

Apparently I had/have acute hydronephrosis in my right kidney, and the left isn't looking so hot, either. In layman's terms, it basically means the pressure from my uterus is causing swelling and partial blockage of my kidney. Not fun, nor very comfortable!!!!! They terrified me by talking about putting stents in my kidneys (a surgical procedure to keep the ureters open) and then have to remove them after I deliver the baby. I don't know about you, but two extra surgeries, no matter how routine or minor the urologist made them sound, is not the way I want to spend my next few weeks with delivery looming at any time.

They are basically doing a watch-and-wait diagnosis at this time; I have to go for renal ultrasounds every few days (just had my second one an hour ago) and see the urologist at least today... hopefully he'll see improvement and won't recommend a stent. Oh, and I am back on near total bed rest, this time laying totally on my left side to relieve the pressure on my right kidney. It's making typing this very awkward, actually, hahaha!

Baby, want to come out any time soon?? You sure aren't making this process very easy on your momma!!!!!

Good things to come of this/in the last week:
- I get to see the baby every few days! She is apparently still a she, haha, and has the cutest face/lips/arms/probable girl parts any mom could hope for in their child. :)
- I have officially lost my mucous plug!!! If only that were a true indication of labor being close...
- The reinforced bed rest is forcing me to slow down again; I think I was just so happy to be allowed off the couch that I have been overdoing it somewhat. Hello again, daytime TV!
- Every day that passes is one day closer to TRULY seeing our precious baby; I was assured by the midwife that we won't go past 41 weeks, so I guess October will be our month!!!!
- Before the whole drama unfolded, we finished the nursery! I shall attempt to load pics soon!!!

Negative Nancy is Getting Desperate Here.

Sorry for the lack of posting... I am feeling a bit depressed and frustrated of late, and not particularly motivated to do a lot of Internet wandering.

So the source of my feeling down? I am still here, and so is our baby - sharing my body, that is. The majority of women are probably not expecting to have already given birth by 37 weeks, and I was one of them until five weeks ago - but I just don't get my body. I was having regular, heavy, intense contractions at 32 weeks. They were talking steroid shots for lung development and Brethine to stop contractions - which I did end up taking until last Friday - and nearly total bed rest. They basically told me that as soon as I stopped the meds, I could be in labor by the end of the weekend.

So I stopped the Brethine.

I went out to dinner.

I walked around a few stores.

I started doing laundry.

I even went into my school to check on my classroom, finally meet my sub, and "survey the damage" (-that, by the way, is something I will NOT be doing again - I was too horrified to see the state of my desk, my files, my computer area, etc., to ever want to subject myself to that again. Ignorance is definitely bliss in that case!.... By the way, other than my sub's apparent slovenly tactics, she does seem to be doing a great job teaching... and that's really the most important thing... right?!?!?!?...... oh dear.).

And the contractions started. Hard, intense, bending-over-the-counter-gasping-for-breath contractions.

But only about five to ten a day. Nothing even close to regular.

The cramping is much more intense - that was already pretty regular anyway (about 30 a day) - so now I have the odd feeling that my period will start at any moment. I literally caught myself thinking that the other day. It's a strange feeling, considering I have a full-term babe pushing on my pelvis at the same time.

To add insult to injury, the Braxton Hicks have increased to about four or five an hour, and tighten my entire ute now - making it feel like some boa constrictor has nearly regular appointments with my midsection to slowly suck the life out of me, stopping just short of actually dilating or effacing anything.

Well, I can't be TOTALLY sure of that last fact: my midwives are very adamant about not doing internal checks until 39 weeks unless there is a medical need for it, so for all I know I could be two centimeters.

But I don't even care! What good is it doing me if I'm just going to sit here in a state of pseduo-labor for the next three to four weeks? Why can't I be one of those women happily plodding along with only back pain and pressure to complain about for 40 weeks, then suddenly look down to a stream of amniotic fluid running down their leg out of the blue? No massive contractions several times a day, no cramping until contractions ACTUALLY start - by the way, that's the worst thing - hearing my friends say "Oh, my labor started EXACTLY the way you are describing it" - only to find out their labor typically starting hours to only one or two days before symptoms arose. NOT HELPING!!!!!

I am desperately trying to find perspective here. Every day she is still snuggled up in the womb is another day she is growing stronger and healthier with my help. She truly is safer there. This is all for her, anyway, right???

So why do I just want her OUT?!?!?!?!

A Long One.

You would think with all this spare time on my hands, I would be updating my blog daily. Actually, sitting upright really isn't that comfortable right now; nor is completely lying horizontal, so I've relegated myself to a sort of weird Jabba the Hut-style position, oozing over pillows and blankets propped in odd places around my body. This makes is difficult to balance a laptop anywhere comfortably. I've almost killed the dog a couple of times when it accidentally slid off my knees. Poor Davey.

Bed rest is going okay. I can't say it's been wonderful - it's actually been extremely stressful and frustrating at times. You never realize how helpless you really are until you can't let your dog out to pee, or pick up the slowly-accumulating mess all around you. Poor Drew: he's been amazing at doing everything - cooking, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, taking care of the animals, shopping, and somehow even finding time to paint the basement.... but I am still frustrated and annoyed that it's not clean ENOUGH. Not that I am ungrateful; I think he's doing an amazing job keeping the house running while I am sitting on my ass (or, rather, balancing precariously on the edge of the couch somewhere between my ass, hips, and back) watching him (but of course, constantly telling him how wonderful he is!!).

I blame nesting. I desperately want to clean out the kitchen cabinets, to clean the carpets, and to clean out the inside of my car before our Little Lady makes her imminent arrival. Unfortunately, if I'm up for more than five minutes, I begin cramping. Again. Despite the medicine I'm taking. So I am trying to come to terms with the fact that the cabinets may not be cleaned out. And we may have to call a professional to clean the carpets. And I may have to add yet another thing - cleaning out the Jetta - to Drew's list of things he dutifully does for me.

My problem is, I am really a control freak. That is why teaching suits me so well. It is MY classroom: I might not be able to determine WHAT I am teaching, but I can decide how and when, and to what degree. In fact, that's been another struggle for me: giving up my classroom to a long-term sub doing God-knows-what to my classroom and with my students - many of whom I haven't even met yet. I don't like bossing people around; I just love having my own space, and being able to organize things the way my slightly-OCD-tilted brain wants them to be. I love organizing my classroom and filing cabinets and desk. Granted, when I get home, the organization at times goes by the wayside to make room for more lazy tendencies, but right now my hormonal instincts are shouting "CLEAN ME! ORGANIZE ME!! HAVE EVERYTHING READY!!!!"

These organizational desires have only been punctuated by the fact that the midwives at my practice have told us that as soon as I hit 36 weeks, they are taking me off the anti-contraction medicine... and there is a very high likelihood that I could go into labor almost immediately after that. So... I could be in labor in a little more than a week and a half.

Uh.... WHAT?!?!

What happened to the at least sixish weeks I had left?! Where has the time gone??? Can this baby truly be ALMOST HERE?!?! Ohhhhh, Lord. Am I truly ready for this???

Since I'm already up:...

How far along? 34 weeks 3 days

Total weight gain/loss: hovering around 3o... but bed rest has actually caused me to lose a few! Don't worry: my midwife said the baby's still growing and all is still well.
Maternity clothes? Actually, practically all I've worn (unless going to a dr's appt - my"big outing" for the week) are flowy yoga pants and stretchy t-shirts... sooooo... not at the moment
Stretch marks? None on my belly, but a few elsewhere. Oh well.
Sleep: Between nighttime cramping, bathroom breaks, and alarms for medicine going off twice a night, I am not very well-rested of late.

Best moment this week: So far this week, it has been Drew going to BRU for the major things we had left to buy for the baby.... and putting all those finishing touches on the nursery!
Movement: All the time - except last night, when I was moving around more than I should... I must have lulled her to sleep, but it was enough to freak me out! We poked her awake, though, haha, and she is currently kicking my left rib as we speak.
Food cravings: Considering I have no room to breathe if I eat more than half a serving of anything, not much!
Gender: She a lady.... woah woah woah.... [Anyone??]
Labor Signs: Don't make me laugh

Belly Button in or out? Still in, shockingly.... but the right side is a little puffed out, weirdly enough
What I miss: Being allowed to move off of the couch for something other than a shower, a bathroom break, or a meal

What I am looking forward to: At this point, I am looking forward to HER!!!!!!
Weekly Wisdom: Listen to your body. It's not really yours right now, anyway: it's here to protect and nourish that baby. If you need to sit on your ass for six weeks to do so, get over it and be content with the knowledge that you are keeping him or her safe for the time being.

Milestones: Every week she is still in utero is a milestone right now, so 34 1/2 weeks is my current one!

BED REST. [Dun dun dunnnnnnnnn]

Yep, that's right: those dreaded two words were uttered by my OB on Monday evening, after I'd spent about five hours in L&D contracting. Oy vey.

I went into pre-term labor on Monday morning while I was at work - professional development stuff, not in front of students, thank God - and had to stay in the hospital overnight for monitoring. Everything looks good with the baby, thankfully, and they gave me some medicine to stop the contractions, which seems to have worked pretty well. They went from a nearly-continual rolling contraction, to every ten minutes, to every half hour.... and now they are extremely sporadic. It doesn't stop them entirely, but they are VERY mild right now and only happen now if I am walking around a lot or upset about anything...

Because they don't want to take any chances, they put me on bed rest until I am 36 weeks, which is September 25. So.... no teaching any students (or anyone else, for that matter, haha) for me! It's been pretty stressful trying to scramble and get my Leave of Absence paperwork, sub details, and temporary lesson plans taken care of... not easy to do from the couch! haaaaaa

Everything seems to finally be taken care of at school, and I've relaxed quite a bit, and ironically I am having almost no contractions now... so I guess this bed rest truly was necessary. That doesn't make it any less upsetting, though. They haven't found a true cause for it - they think I may just have an "irritable uterus" that's overly sensitive to stressors... so now I can't exercise (oh darn -ha! j/k), limit use on the stairs, no lifting, no standing for long periods, and basically sitting/laying my ass on the couch for the next three weeks. The doctor said once I hit 36 weeks I can stop taking the meds and go back to work, and if I go into labor that day he won't care.

Uh... what?!

I know the baby will be fine, but that is just a nearly terrifying thought on my part. A whole month early?! I was falling apart at the thought of possibly delivering her at 32 & 1/2 weeks, and simply waiting a few weeks really isn't helping me feel much better about it. They didn't give me any steroids to develop her lungs at this point, but they will need to at 36 weeks. I hate the fact that I'm continually medicating myself to stop ctx now; adding steroids to the mix to atificially pump up her lungs is not any better in my mind.

I just wish my body would have worked the way it was supposed to. I feel like I'm failing at carrying my baby.

Holy Toledo

Holy hell, I'm 30 weeks today!!! I'm bouncing between extreme excitement, unbelievable anxiety, and pure helplessness at this point. I suppose none of those emotions will go away once I actually have this kiddo in my arms, eh? ha

I haven't done this in awhile....

How far along? 30 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: 22-24 lbs, depending on whose scale you are looking at.
Maternity clothes? No denying that!
Stretch marks? Not yet...
Sleep: Between the crazy parenting anxiety dreams that have cropped up in the last few days, getting up 3x to pee, the fact that my normally incredible sleep.number bed is uncomfortable no matter what, and this heat wave our a/c can't keep up with = not great.

Best moment this week: Seeing and feeling real evidence of the baby responding to my and my husband's voices... it's the most heart-melting event yet!
Movement: She definitely has regular sleep patterns now, and constant hiccups (which I evilly think is hilarious), but the kid is transverse, so hopefully she will boogie into a heads-down position soon. Also: my belly-button has a bruise around it! No lie. She seems to take her feet and push out on it as hard as she can, several times a day. Lovely child.
Food cravings: Nothing at the moment - I don't have a lot of stomach room, so nothing sounds too appealing anymore
Gender: girl
Labor Signs: Braxton Hicks once or twice a day

Belly Button in or out? Nonexistent? Completely flat.
What I miss: Strangers not coming up and telling me I MUST be wrong on my due date and I HAVE to be full-term already. Apparently I'm the size of a hippo to some people.

What I am looking forward to: Getting the nursery finished - I really hate waiting around for furniture, etc. I'm getting extremely antsy/anxious about everything getting done in time.
Weekly Wisdom: Go to Mother.hood/someplace comparable and get a bra fitting - regularly! You might not realize you've grown as much as you have, and that upper-back pain might actually be from the wrong bra!

Milestones: Being 75% of the way done with this pregnancy - it's insane to realize! And apparently by now, if for some terrible reason I were to deliver today, our little baby (still with no name, poor girl!) would have >95% chance of being healthy! It's such an unspeakable relief.

Things to Smile About::

1) After a touch-and-go last week of uncertainty, I passed the three-hour GT test!! (Yes...that means I failed the first one; sigh....BUT:) No gestational diabetes!!!!

2) Niagara Falls, while exhausting, was wonderful. Drew and I got some much-needed alone time, and it was such a special way to celebrate our third anniversary. Pictures to come as soon as I do a little editing.

3) I am officially in the third trimester, and have begun every-two-week appointments. I actually scheduled all of my remaining appointments (through 41 weeks, assuming I'll need that many) due to the tendency for the appts to fill up so quickly/my fairly restrictive teaching schedule. Kind of scary, but also amazing: I only have a maximum of nine appointments left!

4) My smart board was installed in my classroom! Woo hoo for being technologically up to date! :) I can't wait to play around with it.

5) Drew and I *may* finally be heading toward an agreement on the baby's name. This has been a frustrating process, as he is VERY opinionated about names and once he gets it in his head he wants something like this, it is hard to change... even though I wasn't completely sold on his #1 choice. I'd love to share, but I think we are keeping it a surprise. :D

6) I met the new midwife at my OB/GYN practice, and she is awesome - very kind and extremely knowledgeable. One negative: she won't be delivering until after the first of the year. However, she does do the office visits, so I'm sure I'll still see her in the next few months. Also cool: the other two midwives haven't left, so there are now officially more of them than there are OBs at the practice. I also got definitive confirmation at my appointment today that they will not induce until about 41 weeks, which makes me pretty happy!

7) When we toured the maternity ward last night during our childbirth class, we not only got to visit with a woman who just had triplets the day before (~6 lbs each, too!) , but also with a woman who had literally given birth just over an HOUR before... and got their very candid and totally different birthing experiences. Seeing those babies just made me melt. I absolutely cannot wait until I am the one laying on that bed with the baby's hospital crib beside me!


More details/pictures to follow when I have more time!

MIA...but pictures are in order!

It seems to be a current trend in the blogosphere; I guess it's just that time of year. People are spending more time outdoors, away from home, away from the computer. I have been no exception - but I am here! I am 27 & 1/2 weeks pregnant, and grateful for every moment.

For expedition's sake, here are some highlights of my life over the past few weeks:

*My parents and niece came to visit me while my sister was spending two weeks in Jamaica (jealousssssssss....). Hannah loves the 4th of July parade which is shockingly large despite the town's small stature.

(A gaggle of hot pants....)

(My attempts to keep track of Hannie were thwarted my a stranger's disturbingly close butt.)

We also took in some local sights and a great party at my BIL's. Good times. Dad, Mom, Hannah, Drew

Kinzua Dam

* My 24ish week appointment went well, with the exception of me bringing up my weight... and my anorexic-looking (yet lovable) midwife told me to slow 'er down. I took it way too personally - after all, I was up 17 pounds. WTF?!?! Now I am up probably 20, heh. Can't wait to see what the ob says in two weeks if that continues.

*I went to York with my parents to help out with Han until my older sister got back to the States. We had an awesome relaxing time.

Hannie in the pool.

What a nine-year-old does when she has too much time on her hands:
[Poor Dave.]

Making cupcakes.

My younger sister and her husband came up from NC (with two of her dogs - her 100 lb. Great Dane puppy - yes, puppy! - and three-legged Pit Bull. She's a vet tech and has a bit of a bleeding heart for animals.) and Drew came down for the last weekend.

Me & Rory


The Mister... ooh baby!

Mom, Little Sis (+baby-to-be! - and Penelope), Big Sis

They also had a nice little baby shower for me with my female relatives! We got some good, cute stuff. It was great to have everyone under the same roof for the first time since Christmas, too.

After awhile, the smile muscles got frozen there...
...and I had a bit of a cupcake sugar high.

(The frame Hannah made for me - highlighting the bump!)

*When I returned home, we got our passport cards in the mail; woo hoo! Now we can go to Niagara Falls legally(in two days!!). The guy taking the pic wouldn't let me smile, so I look like some street gang ho's mugshot. Seriously. I kind of love it. I would post the pic but I'm not sure if that constitutes some sort of illegality to the U.S. Govt., so you'll have to use your imagination. Trust me; it's awesome. Awesomely baaaaad.

*Also in the mail upon my return: a letter from my school district announcing my tenure! Woo hoo for it being incredibly difficult to fire me! hahaha

*Speaking of school, I am about to head in there and have what will probably be a frustrating conversation with my head principal in a few moments regarding my schedule.... more complaining on that one to follow.

*One more thing: I took my glucose tolerance test for gestational diabetes this morning. It really wasn't terrible; the lemon-lime Glucola sort of just tasted like drinking a giant melted popsicle. I did feel pretty lightheaded toward the end of the hour, though. Fingers crossed I pass that!!!

*CRAP, how can I forget that I PASSED OUT in the ER last week while we were there for a cut my husband got on his eye?! Hilarious and drama-filled story will follow soon...

24 weeks

Not a lot of time this week, as my family has invaded our normally slightly anti-social abode (as in, we don't have many visitors up here in the forest, haha) and tomorrow I am headed to York to hang out with my niece for a week or two...

I'll just stick with the update, and try and stick in a pic of my expanding midsection another time...

How far along? 24 weeks 3 days

Total weight gain/loss: the holiday weekend/mom visiting combo has caused 2 more pounds to attach in the last four days.... nice trend.... bleh.
Maternity clothes? Yeah - still a mixture of the two types
Stretch marks? Nope, but my stomach skin is feeling awfully tight lately, so I'm thinking it's just a matter of time...
Sleep: Back to bad this week, as a lot of sitting outdoors has caused intense back pain to surface

Best moment this week: Drew feeling the kid's hiccups in utero... his face was so cute.
Movement: Constant - and starting to move up above my belly button now, so either she's a giantess or just roaming around all over the place now, instead of sticking to my pelvis (which my bending over ability appreciates!)
Food cravings: None for now, except maybe fruit again
Gender: girl
Labor Signs: Do Baxton Hicks count? I've been gettnig those once or twice a day

Belly Button in or out? Still in... stretching out pretty intensely
What I miss: Again, not getting judgement for drinking 4oz. of Mt. Dew... this time from my mother. Sigh.

What I am looking forward to: Not looking like a liar when I say to Drew/my mother/my best friend/etc. "Put your hand here! She's moving like crazy!" only to have her sit quietly until after they take their hand away.
Weekly Wisdom: Overdoing it at Chinese buffets = tight skin and difficulty breathing. Self control was not in my vocabulary last night. Sigh.

Milestones: My mom looking at my stomach and helping me begin to distinguish body parts... or at least that something was sticking out tightly by my belly button... a head? a butt? a very large foot? hahaha


Off to the Lucy-Desi Museum, then to get my hair cut (=desperately needed!)! Woo!

Summer's the Time for Vacation, or a Love Letter to NC

I love reading others' blogs (invited or not, heh) about their travel plans. Growing up, vacation only meant one thing for me: Nags Head, NC. It fascinates me to see all of the choices people have made to go on vacation. What?! There are places that don't have beaches attached that you can go in the summer?! The coastlines aren't the only tourist attractions in May through September?!?!


I have a truly spoiled, reason for this way of thinking: my grandmother owned a cottage directly across from the beach in the Outer Banks of NC, and that was the obligatory destination for our yearly family outings. We'd pack the full-sized Bronco to bursting, full of me, my sisters, towering stacks of puzzle books and storybooks (which later graduated to chapter books, then to full-fledged novels), more pillows and blankets than fifty grown men would require, and fruit snacks and Bugles (remember those?!). The seven-hour drive seemed to stretch for days in the back of that hot, sun-filled car. The first thing we would do, before unpacking the car, before running to the bathroom, before saying hello to whichever relatives might be there at the time, was to run across the road and straight onto the sand, take a deep breath, and relish in the fact that for another week, we were THERE. Where we belonged.



Since then, much has changed: they tore down the old, tiny, drafty cottage with no actual bathroom inside (you had to go outside to an attached bathroom - but you were at the be ac! Who cared?!) and replaced it with a much more glamorous version with quadruple the space and nice tall stilts to ward off flooding in hurricane season.
My grandfather has since passed away and my grandmother has signed over the deed to the cottage to my father and his two sisters, but ownership never mattered. Anyone was - and is - welcome, regardless of space. I've been there many a time when it was just my family of five enjoying the sights and apparent spaciousness of an oversized three-bedroom space, and just as many nights sleeping on a recliner in the living room or in a tent underneath the cottage, while there were approximately twenty other relatives slumbering in equally awkward corners of the home.
My grandfather preferred to sleep on the hammock under the cottage, regardless of how many people were sleeping above him. I am a grown, married woman now, with an extended family of my own to bring down to NC; it was a strange but wonderful experience to see my little sister hanging out with my brother-in-law in this most sacred of childhood haunts for me.

Being pregnant now has prevented us from planning the yearly pilgrimage down there this year; will I feel just as reluctant to take the journey with an infant next year? Or a fussy toddler?
We live five hours farther away now, which means less visits on my part. My grandmother is so old now she doesn't spend Memorial Day through Labor Day in the cottage, and I hate the thought that my children might not know the joy of spending an entire summer living on the coast as I did. Sigh.

This year we've opted for a much shorter two-hour trek to Niagara Falls, which I am definitely looking forward to (I've never been there! Any suggestions for things to do?), as our "last hurrah" vaca before our twosome increases by 50%. While I am definitely excited, I have caught myself more than once wistfully looking over the beach pictures I've collected over the years (some of which I've included in this post). Nags Head, I shall return!

23.3 weeks... and finally, some belly pics!

Here's a progression of belly shots... I had every intention to do one every week... but obviously that hasn't happened! As you can see, somewhere around 21 weeks or so, this baby decided she was going to take over my body. No wonder strangers can tell (granted, I don't usually wear such tight clothes outof the house...)!!

13 weeks 1 day:


14 weeks, 1 day:


17 weeks, 2 days:


21 weeks, 6 days:


23 weeks, 2 days (yesterday...
and the only day I actually have makeup on, haha):









(Notice the kid seems to have finally moved up a bit in the last week or so? Woo hoo for bending a little more easily!)


How far along? 23 weeks 3 days

Total weight gain/loss: I think I'm at 12 pounds now...
Maternity clothes? Sudden belly enormity has caused me to wear VERY few normal shirts anymore; they're too damn short! Still able to rock regular pants w/ a bella band/rubber band, though.
Stretch marks? Nope
Sleep: I got my AWESOME Snoogle a week or so ago, and then my a.hole dog peed on the end of it. It was the worst day of life (haaaaaa I kid). Thankfully my aunt gave me some top secret mountain lady home remedy for animal pee, and the smell is gone. Soo.... sleep is not so bad.

Best moment this week: Seeing my stomach move. My mind was DEFINTELY flitting to Aliens and Sigourney Weaver. So.... gross, yet amazing.
Movement: All the time, but a baby was born stillborn in my hospital this past week and it sent me into a dizzying downward spiral of fear that every time my baby doesn't move, she's in distress. I've begun to chill out somewhat, but those "quiet times" are pretty damn nervewracking!
Food cravings: I'm not really feeling anything of late; a couple episodes of OhmyLordIneedMexicanfoodNOW, but that passes pretty quickly.
Gender: As with nearly EVERY other blood relative of mine, she's female
Labor Signs: N/A

Belly Button in or out? Still in...still flat, though
What I miss: Not feeling guilty for ordering a teeny tiny half glass of Mt. Dew at a restaurant; you'd think I was asking for a Long Island Iced Tea or something with the way my waitress, my SIL, and everyone else around looked at me! (Drew assured me I'm being ridiculously paranoid, though I don't think so!)

What I am looking forward to: My online "class"(purely for Act 48 credit hours) being over... I have NO clue how people actually get entire degrees online; I totally respect your dedication, because all the independent work and eye strain staring at a comp is driving me insane! Oh wait... this has nothing to do with the baby. Oh well.
Weekly Wisdom: The excitement of strangers finally recognizing you are pregnant can sometimes be accompanied by the "Oh my Lord... I must HUGE!" thoughts.

Milestones: See Weekly Wisdom; I must have been wearing a shirt that made pregnancy very obvious yesterday or something, because everyone from my former students to crotchety old men on scooters were commenting!

Whew.

After last week's pessimistic entry, it's good to report some good news:

1) My father is out of the hospital and resting not-so-comfortably, which, for him, is a good thing: the fact that he is now bored and itching to get back to work, and overall pissing off my mom with the muttering about wanting to get back into the office shows he is definitely on his way back to normal. Granted, his intense desire to be at work is probably part of the reason all this happened in the first place, so I applaud his boss and my mother's joint efforts to keep him at home resting for a few more days. He seems to be recovering nicely and hasn't had any complications or anything, which is an enormous relief. He's even planning to continue with their visit to see us over the 4th of July, a trip I told them they definitely should not complete if he shows any signs of wear and tear between now and then.

Deep, relief-filled, teary sigh.

2) I spent an evening last week in L&D in our hospital, which actually ended up being a cool thing. I had sporadic Braxton Hicks for a day or two, which eventually progressed into more intense, then rhythmic, cramping every 15 minutes. The office was already closed, so they sent me to the Maternity Ward, where one of my midwives was on-call in the midst of a slow-moving labor process for another woman anyway. I was terrified, and words like "incompetent cervix," "pre-tem labor," "bedrest," and "fetal demise" kept swimming through my brain.

Thankfully, all is well - we got to hear the baby's heartbeat again - a loud and clear 160! - and my m/w checked me in all the ways possible and said my cervix was tightly closed and the baby was in no way in distress. I was a little bummed they didn't do an ultrasound, purely for selfish reasons of course - I wanted to get another peek at her gorgeous face. My m/w didn't seem to feel it was necessary, though, so she didn't do one. Lame!.... Though I guess I should be thankful she didn't deem it necessary, because that would have surely meant things didn't look good.

As for diagnosis, the bloodwork and urine tests all came back clear and neg - no UTI, no anything out of the ordinary. (By the way, she had to do a clean catch urine sample using a catheter - something I have never experienced and was none too excited about, I assure you!) She said it was probably the combination of my extreme stress from family issues, plus my sudden urge to do about 10 loads of laundry (even rewashing some clean stuff) and run up and down the stairs 500 times with baskets of clothing, and not drinking enough... so I guess they really aren't lying when they tell you to drink an ungodly amount of water and relax. *Grin.*

The best part of the evening, after knowing everything was alright, was 1) getting to know this particular m/w better, as I've only seen her a handful of times and there is a strong likelihood she will deliver our baby... and she's wonderful!; and 2) seeing the Maternity Ward in a much more positive light - previously the only connection I've had with it was for my recovery from my D&C, and some rather insensitive nurses "helping" me that day... so it's a relief to see that there are some great people there and to get some more specific info on the inner workings of the ward.

****************

In other news, I went into my school yesterday to pick up the FMLA paperwork so it can be Board-approved before the school year starts, and it just made me extremely depressed. The typical leave time is 6 weeks, though they do not pay ANYTHING anyway unless you use up your sick days. I will only have 12 sick days at the beginning of the year - a pathetic number that is due to the fact that so much of my time last year was spent off recovering from my loss/D&C in October and from all my dr's appts I had in the middle of the school day (one thing that annoys me about my ob office: they have a very rigid appt schedule with very little ability to schedule later/earlier appointments). Anyway, looking at the calendar, it seems that IF I deliver on my due date, and only take, say, 7 weeks off, I'll be back in school by December 14. I cannot blieve how little time I will have with our baby before going back to work. Granted, I'll have some flexibility regular 9-to-5ers won't, like a longish lunchbreak where I can run the literal 30 seconds down the hill from school to my MIL's to feed her, and lots of time off on vacations... but it just seems so unfair. Oh, to have Canada's FMLA procedures.....

I also learned they've screwed with my teaching schedule for next year, which is really not too surprising, as it happens every summer. However, I am feeling the nesting/organization urge already, with an intense desire to lesson plan a much as possible through the first semester... and I can't do that if they keep f.ng changing my classes!!! Argh.

Speaking of which, I'm off to my classroom for a couple hours to file some things I unceremoniously shoved into a cabinet at the end of the school year....

Real fear.

My father is in the hospital.

My barely 51-year-old, golf-obsessed, invincible father passed out in the middle of a huge presentation he was giving at work yesterday. Something about his heart.

How very "TV Movie of the Week" of him.

I joke at the apparent stageyness of the situation, but I am a wreck. I live five hours away and both he and my mother are refusing to let me drive down there yet "until we know what's going on." He's been in the hospital since lunchtime yesterday. What the fu** do they need to figure out?! They've done echoes, MRIs, and who knows what else. [By the way, I am in NO way affiliated with the medical field, so please excuse my complete ignorance of procedure names.] Today they are going to to a heart catheter, and may possibly put in a stint.

Apparently, this is all relatively minor, and fairly routine, and he could possibly be home this afternoon. However, this is my father. He's Superman. And all that keep running through my mind are thoughts of my grandfather.

I never knew my maternal grandfather, as he died less than year before I was born. I heard he was a great man, and my mother is still mourning his death. One of my greatest regrets is not meeting him, spending time with him, or truly knowing the beloved, amazing man I was cheated out of having a relationship with. I know what is going on with my father is routine, and I feel so grateful and blessed that it does not appear as serious as it could be. Lord knows too many of my friends have suffered real, terrible tragedies in their immediate families, and I feel selfish and awful putting myself in their league. But I am terrified this is a precursor to larger, more serious things.

And all I keep thinking is I want my child to know her grandfather.