I am the mother of a little piggy!!!!

We had our two-week appointment for Lily yesterday, which makes me unspeakably proud and slightly bewildered that we have successfully taken care of a tiny helpless life for that long. It also makes me sad, however: I cannot believe how quickly time is racing by already. Soon I will have to trudge back to work and right after that she will be in college with as fast as she is growing. Sigh.

Speaking of growing.....

As most who have had a child/will have one soon know, babies often lose up to 10% of their birth weight in their first few days of life, and doctors generally want to see it return to their birth weight by the time they are two weeks old. That means Lily, who was 7 lbs, 8 oz, when she was born and then 7 lbs, 1 oz, four days later, should have gained back those seven ounces by yesterday. Now I was totally freaking out about this, because honestly, Lily is a wonderful baby. She rarely cries more than a minute or so, and is very easy to calm down.

What does this have to do with her weight? She often sleeps 2.5- to 3-hour stretches through the day and wakes when she's hungry; often at night it's more like 3.5 hours. Since I'm feeding on demand, I try to let her tell me when she's hungry - which does mean she eats once an hour every once in awhile - though I do wake her if it's more than 3 hours in the day or 3.5-4 at night to feed her. Unfortunately, that doesn't sync with the recommended 8-12 feedings breastfed babies need.... she almost always gets 7 feedings a day (never less, though). If I feed her more often, she gets overfull and tends to spit up more. I have been stressing that she wouldn't regain her weight and I'd be accused of child neglect or something.

...Turns out, I was stressed for nothing. My chunky monkey weighed 8 lbs, 2 oz yesterday. That's right: she's gained over a full pound in a week and a half. Crazy!!!!!! The pediatrician was not in the least concerned with the amount of feedings she was getting since she has been gaining so well. Whew!!!!

In other news, things are going well; my husband went back to work Monday and I've managed to keep my daughter alive and well for the past two days... so far so good, haha! Bre.ast.fee.ding is going better than before, but still a little rocky: my little monster has a crazy suction and she tends to shift her latch midway through a feeding, so I have been fighting some nasty, painful cracking... the LC I talked to said it may take several weeks for them to totally heal; they are better, but it's a slow process.

I really want to write my birth story here soon before I forget it, but I feel a nap is in order for now while Liliana is doing the same thing.

A Long One.

You would think with all this spare time on my hands, I would be updating my blog daily. Actually, sitting upright really isn't that comfortable right now; nor is completely lying horizontal, so I've relegated myself to a sort of weird Jabba the Hut-style position, oozing over pillows and blankets propped in odd places around my body. This makes is difficult to balance a laptop anywhere comfortably. I've almost killed the dog a couple of times when it accidentally slid off my knees. Poor Davey.

Bed rest is going okay. I can't say it's been wonderful - it's actually been extremely stressful and frustrating at times. You never realize how helpless you really are until you can't let your dog out to pee, or pick up the slowly-accumulating mess all around you. Poor Drew: he's been amazing at doing everything - cooking, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, taking care of the animals, shopping, and somehow even finding time to paint the basement.... but I am still frustrated and annoyed that it's not clean ENOUGH. Not that I am ungrateful; I think he's doing an amazing job keeping the house running while I am sitting on my ass (or, rather, balancing precariously on the edge of the couch somewhere between my ass, hips, and back) watching him (but of course, constantly telling him how wonderful he is!!).

I blame nesting. I desperately want to clean out the kitchen cabinets, to clean the carpets, and to clean out the inside of my car before our Little Lady makes her imminent arrival. Unfortunately, if I'm up for more than five minutes, I begin cramping. Again. Despite the medicine I'm taking. So I am trying to come to terms with the fact that the cabinets may not be cleaned out. And we may have to call a professional to clean the carpets. And I may have to add yet another thing - cleaning out the Jetta - to Drew's list of things he dutifully does for me.

My problem is, I am really a control freak. That is why teaching suits me so well. It is MY classroom: I might not be able to determine WHAT I am teaching, but I can decide how and when, and to what degree. In fact, that's been another struggle for me: giving up my classroom to a long-term sub doing God-knows-what to my classroom and with my students - many of whom I haven't even met yet. I don't like bossing people around; I just love having my own space, and being able to organize things the way my slightly-OCD-tilted brain wants them to be. I love organizing my classroom and filing cabinets and desk. Granted, when I get home, the organization at times goes by the wayside to make room for more lazy tendencies, but right now my hormonal instincts are shouting "CLEAN ME! ORGANIZE ME!! HAVE EVERYTHING READY!!!!"

These organizational desires have only been punctuated by the fact that the midwives at my practice have told us that as soon as I hit 36 weeks, they are taking me off the anti-contraction medicine... and there is a very high likelihood that I could go into labor almost immediately after that. So... I could be in labor in a little more than a week and a half.

Uh.... WHAT?!?!

What happened to the at least sixish weeks I had left?! Where has the time gone??? Can this baby truly be ALMOST HERE?!?! Ohhhhh, Lord. Am I truly ready for this???

Since I'm already up:...

How far along? 34 weeks 3 days

Total weight gain/loss: hovering around 3o... but bed rest has actually caused me to lose a few! Don't worry: my midwife said the baby's still growing and all is still well.
Maternity clothes? Actually, practically all I've worn (unless going to a dr's appt - my"big outing" for the week) are flowy yoga pants and stretchy t-shirts... sooooo... not at the moment
Stretch marks? None on my belly, but a few elsewhere. Oh well.
Sleep: Between nighttime cramping, bathroom breaks, and alarms for medicine going off twice a night, I am not very well-rested of late.

Best moment this week: So far this week, it has been Drew going to BRU for the major things we had left to buy for the baby.... and putting all those finishing touches on the nursery!
Movement: All the time - except last night, when I was moving around more than I should... I must have lulled her to sleep, but it was enough to freak me out! We poked her awake, though, haha, and she is currently kicking my left rib as we speak.
Food cravings: Considering I have no room to breathe if I eat more than half a serving of anything, not much!
Gender: She a lady.... woah woah woah.... [Anyone??]
Labor Signs: Don't make me laugh

Belly Button in or out? Still in, shockingly.... but the right side is a little puffed out, weirdly enough
What I miss: Being allowed to move off of the couch for something other than a shower, a bathroom break, or a meal

What I am looking forward to: At this point, I am looking forward to HER!!!!!!
Weekly Wisdom: Listen to your body. It's not really yours right now, anyway: it's here to protect and nourish that baby. If you need to sit on your ass for six weeks to do so, get over it and be content with the knowledge that you are keeping him or her safe for the time being.

Milestones: Every week she is still in utero is a milestone right now, so 34 1/2 weeks is my current one!

BED REST. [Dun dun dunnnnnnnnn]

Yep, that's right: those dreaded two words were uttered by my OB on Monday evening, after I'd spent about five hours in L&D contracting. Oy vey.

I went into pre-term labor on Monday morning while I was at work - professional development stuff, not in front of students, thank God - and had to stay in the hospital overnight for monitoring. Everything looks good with the baby, thankfully, and they gave me some medicine to stop the contractions, which seems to have worked pretty well. They went from a nearly-continual rolling contraction, to every ten minutes, to every half hour.... and now they are extremely sporadic. It doesn't stop them entirely, but they are VERY mild right now and only happen now if I am walking around a lot or upset about anything...

Because they don't want to take any chances, they put me on bed rest until I am 36 weeks, which is September 25. So.... no teaching any students (or anyone else, for that matter, haha) for me! It's been pretty stressful trying to scramble and get my Leave of Absence paperwork, sub details, and temporary lesson plans taken care of... not easy to do from the couch! haaaaaa

Everything seems to finally be taken care of at school, and I've relaxed quite a bit, and ironically I am having almost no contractions now... so I guess this bed rest truly was necessary. That doesn't make it any less upsetting, though. They haven't found a true cause for it - they think I may just have an "irritable uterus" that's overly sensitive to stressors... so now I can't exercise (oh darn -ha! j/k), limit use on the stairs, no lifting, no standing for long periods, and basically sitting/laying my ass on the couch for the next three weeks. The doctor said once I hit 36 weeks I can stop taking the meds and go back to work, and if I go into labor that day he won't care.

Uh... what?!

I know the baby will be fine, but that is just a nearly terrifying thought on my part. A whole month early?! I was falling apart at the thought of possibly delivering her at 32 & 1/2 weeks, and simply waiting a few weeks really isn't helping me feel much better about it. They didn't give me any steroids to develop her lungs at this point, but they will need to at 36 weeks. I hate the fact that I'm continually medicating myself to stop ctx now; adding steroids to the mix to atificially pump up her lungs is not any better in my mind.

I just wish my body would have worked the way it was supposed to. I feel like I'm failing at carrying my baby.

Real fear.

My father is in the hospital.

My barely 51-year-old, golf-obsessed, invincible father passed out in the middle of a huge presentation he was giving at work yesterday. Something about his heart.

How very "TV Movie of the Week" of him.

I joke at the apparent stageyness of the situation, but I am a wreck. I live five hours away and both he and my mother are refusing to let me drive down there yet "until we know what's going on." He's been in the hospital since lunchtime yesterday. What the fu** do they need to figure out?! They've done echoes, MRIs, and who knows what else. [By the way, I am in NO way affiliated with the medical field, so please excuse my complete ignorance of procedure names.] Today they are going to to a heart catheter, and may possibly put in a stint.

Apparently, this is all relatively minor, and fairly routine, and he could possibly be home this afternoon. However, this is my father. He's Superman. And all that keep running through my mind are thoughts of my grandfather.

I never knew my maternal grandfather, as he died less than year before I was born. I heard he was a great man, and my mother is still mourning his death. One of my greatest regrets is not meeting him, spending time with him, or truly knowing the beloved, amazing man I was cheated out of having a relationship with. I know what is going on with my father is routine, and I feel so grateful and blessed that it does not appear as serious as it could be. Lord knows too many of my friends have suffered real, terrible tragedies in their immediate families, and I feel selfish and awful putting myself in their league. But I am terrified this is a precursor to larger, more serious things.

And all I keep thinking is I want my child to know her grandfather.