23.3 weeks... and finally, some belly pics!

Here's a progression of belly shots... I had every intention to do one every week... but obviously that hasn't happened! As you can see, somewhere around 21 weeks or so, this baby decided she was going to take over my body. No wonder strangers can tell (granted, I don't usually wear such tight clothes outof the house...)!!

13 weeks 1 day:


14 weeks, 1 day:


17 weeks, 2 days:


21 weeks, 6 days:


23 weeks, 2 days (yesterday...
and the only day I actually have makeup on, haha):









(Notice the kid seems to have finally moved up a bit in the last week or so? Woo hoo for bending a little more easily!)


How far along? 23 weeks 3 days

Total weight gain/loss: I think I'm at 12 pounds now...
Maternity clothes? Sudden belly enormity has caused me to wear VERY few normal shirts anymore; they're too damn short! Still able to rock regular pants w/ a bella band/rubber band, though.
Stretch marks? Nope
Sleep: I got my AWESOME Snoogle a week or so ago, and then my a.hole dog peed on the end of it. It was the worst day of life (haaaaaa I kid). Thankfully my aunt gave me some top secret mountain lady home remedy for animal pee, and the smell is gone. Soo.... sleep is not so bad.

Best moment this week: Seeing my stomach move. My mind was DEFINTELY flitting to Aliens and Sigourney Weaver. So.... gross, yet amazing.
Movement: All the time, but a baby was born stillborn in my hospital this past week and it sent me into a dizzying downward spiral of fear that every time my baby doesn't move, she's in distress. I've begun to chill out somewhat, but those "quiet times" are pretty damn nervewracking!
Food cravings: I'm not really feeling anything of late; a couple episodes of OhmyLordIneedMexicanfoodNOW, but that passes pretty quickly.
Gender: As with nearly EVERY other blood relative of mine, she's female
Labor Signs: N/A

Belly Button in or out? Still in...still flat, though
What I miss: Not feeling guilty for ordering a teeny tiny half glass of Mt. Dew at a restaurant; you'd think I was asking for a Long Island Iced Tea or something with the way my waitress, my SIL, and everyone else around looked at me! (Drew assured me I'm being ridiculously paranoid, though I don't think so!)

What I am looking forward to: My online "class"(purely for Act 48 credit hours) being over... I have NO clue how people actually get entire degrees online; I totally respect your dedication, because all the independent work and eye strain staring at a comp is driving me insane! Oh wait... this has nothing to do with the baby. Oh well.
Weekly Wisdom: The excitement of strangers finally recognizing you are pregnant can sometimes be accompanied by the "Oh my Lord... I must HUGE!" thoughts.

Milestones: See Weekly Wisdom; I must have been wearing a shirt that made pregnancy very obvious yesterday or something, because everyone from my former students to crotchety old men on scooters were commenting!

Whew.

After last week's pessimistic entry, it's good to report some good news:

1) My father is out of the hospital and resting not-so-comfortably, which, for him, is a good thing: the fact that he is now bored and itching to get back to work, and overall pissing off my mom with the muttering about wanting to get back into the office shows he is definitely on his way back to normal. Granted, his intense desire to be at work is probably part of the reason all this happened in the first place, so I applaud his boss and my mother's joint efforts to keep him at home resting for a few more days. He seems to be recovering nicely and hasn't had any complications or anything, which is an enormous relief. He's even planning to continue with their visit to see us over the 4th of July, a trip I told them they definitely should not complete if he shows any signs of wear and tear between now and then.

Deep, relief-filled, teary sigh.

2) I spent an evening last week in L&D in our hospital, which actually ended up being a cool thing. I had sporadic Braxton Hicks for a day or two, which eventually progressed into more intense, then rhythmic, cramping every 15 minutes. The office was already closed, so they sent me to the Maternity Ward, where one of my midwives was on-call in the midst of a slow-moving labor process for another woman anyway. I was terrified, and words like "incompetent cervix," "pre-tem labor," "bedrest," and "fetal demise" kept swimming through my brain.

Thankfully, all is well - we got to hear the baby's heartbeat again - a loud and clear 160! - and my m/w checked me in all the ways possible and said my cervix was tightly closed and the baby was in no way in distress. I was a little bummed they didn't do an ultrasound, purely for selfish reasons of course - I wanted to get another peek at her gorgeous face. My m/w didn't seem to feel it was necessary, though, so she didn't do one. Lame!.... Though I guess I should be thankful she didn't deem it necessary, because that would have surely meant things didn't look good.

As for diagnosis, the bloodwork and urine tests all came back clear and neg - no UTI, no anything out of the ordinary. (By the way, she had to do a clean catch urine sample using a catheter - something I have never experienced and was none too excited about, I assure you!) She said it was probably the combination of my extreme stress from family issues, plus my sudden urge to do about 10 loads of laundry (even rewashing some clean stuff) and run up and down the stairs 500 times with baskets of clothing, and not drinking enough... so I guess they really aren't lying when they tell you to drink an ungodly amount of water and relax. *Grin.*

The best part of the evening, after knowing everything was alright, was 1) getting to know this particular m/w better, as I've only seen her a handful of times and there is a strong likelihood she will deliver our baby... and she's wonderful!; and 2) seeing the Maternity Ward in a much more positive light - previously the only connection I've had with it was for my recovery from my D&C, and some rather insensitive nurses "helping" me that day... so it's a relief to see that there are some great people there and to get some more specific info on the inner workings of the ward.

****************

In other news, I went into my school yesterday to pick up the FMLA paperwork so it can be Board-approved before the school year starts, and it just made me extremely depressed. The typical leave time is 6 weeks, though they do not pay ANYTHING anyway unless you use up your sick days. I will only have 12 sick days at the beginning of the year - a pathetic number that is due to the fact that so much of my time last year was spent off recovering from my loss/D&C in October and from all my dr's appts I had in the middle of the school day (one thing that annoys me about my ob office: they have a very rigid appt schedule with very little ability to schedule later/earlier appointments). Anyway, looking at the calendar, it seems that IF I deliver on my due date, and only take, say, 7 weeks off, I'll be back in school by December 14. I cannot blieve how little time I will have with our baby before going back to work. Granted, I'll have some flexibility regular 9-to-5ers won't, like a longish lunchbreak where I can run the literal 30 seconds down the hill from school to my MIL's to feed her, and lots of time off on vacations... but it just seems so unfair. Oh, to have Canada's FMLA procedures.....

I also learned they've screwed with my teaching schedule for next year, which is really not too surprising, as it happens every summer. However, I am feeling the nesting/organization urge already, with an intense desire to lesson plan a much as possible through the first semester... and I can't do that if they keep f.ng changing my classes!!! Argh.

Speaking of which, I'm off to my classroom for a couple hours to file some things I unceremoniously shoved into a cabinet at the end of the school year....

Real fear.

My father is in the hospital.

My barely 51-year-old, golf-obsessed, invincible father passed out in the middle of a huge presentation he was giving at work yesterday. Something about his heart.

How very "TV Movie of the Week" of him.

I joke at the apparent stageyness of the situation, but I am a wreck. I live five hours away and both he and my mother are refusing to let me drive down there yet "until we know what's going on." He's been in the hospital since lunchtime yesterday. What the fu** do they need to figure out?! They've done echoes, MRIs, and who knows what else. [By the way, I am in NO way affiliated with the medical field, so please excuse my complete ignorance of procedure names.] Today they are going to to a heart catheter, and may possibly put in a stint.

Apparently, this is all relatively minor, and fairly routine, and he could possibly be home this afternoon. However, this is my father. He's Superman. And all that keep running through my mind are thoughts of my grandfather.

I never knew my maternal grandfather, as he died less than year before I was born. I heard he was a great man, and my mother is still mourning his death. One of my greatest regrets is not meeting him, spending time with him, or truly knowing the beloved, amazing man I was cheated out of having a relationship with. I know what is going on with my father is routine, and I feel so grateful and blessed that it does not appear as serious as it could be. Lord knows too many of my friends have suffered real, terrible tragedies in their immediate families, and I feel selfish and awful putting myself in their league. But I am terrified this is a precursor to larger, more serious things.

And all I keep thinking is I want my child to know her grandfather.

Garage sale love, and an update:

I love, love, looooooove garage sales! We've already scored a sweet antique rocking chair for $20, a diaper champ for $5, and a TON of baby clothes for less than $10.... and I am all set to go again this weekend. Here's to finding some amazing deals!!!!!!!!

I'm 21 weeks today! Holy CRAP. I cannot believe it and feel so blessed. Here's my update (maybe someday I'll be motivated enough to put all my bellypics online!):

How far along? 21 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: Oh boy... went to the dr. on Tuesday, and I was up 10 lbs from my starting weight all of a sudden -I've had quite a "growth" spurt!
Maternity clothes? Still mixing and matching regular and maternity - but reg shirts are getting a little short under my belly, ha
Stretch marks? Nope
Sleep: It's been so hard to sleep on my back - and I've been pushing Drew out of the bed with my two huge body pillows - so I bit the bullet and ordered a Snoogle pillow yesterday. I'm psyched!

Best moment this week: Having Drew feel the baby kick!!!!!
Movement: All the time - I'm even starting to notice her sleeping patterns
Food cravings: Still wanting the fruit, and my 27-year love affair with chocolate has once again returned... no good for the rapid weight gain
Gender: My gut feeling was right! It's a girl!
Labor Signs: N/A

Belly Button in or out? In...a bit flat, though
What I miss: Sleeping on my back.... oh man, do I want to sleep on my back.....

What I am looking forward to: People on the street being SURE I'm pregnant, and not just sporting a healthy beer gut
Weekly Wisdom: Abruptly changing your eating patterns halfway through pregnancy cannot spell good results for your physical well-being.

Milestones: Andrew feeling her move; knowing it's a HER!

Bored already?!

Today is the first day I finally have nothing to do (other than my 20-wk appt at 2:20) - and it is an amazing feeling!!

No last-minute essays or book projects heaped in front of me, courtesy of my underclassmen....

No more senior class trip to plan and execute (which, by the way, went shockingly well, considering it consisted of 87 high school seniors, me, my co-adviser, and five rather incompetent chaperones - half of which were "secretly" drunk the whole time, as ridiculous as that sounds - running amok in Cleveland and Sandusky Ohio for two days)...

No more OTHER million of things to prepare for seniors in the last week of school, including Graduation...

And my favorite of all: no more registry to plan, because it's done! (More or less.) Woo hoo! That was probably the most exhausting of everything I've done in the last two weeks. Seriously. Babies need a lot of shizzzzz.

My classroom is clean, my grades are done, the graduation honor cords and robes are stowed away in the corner of my room, and even my house is clean! I have no idea what to do with myself. I always have a terrible time coming down off the end-of-year manic rush to get everything done; in previous years, I'd taught Summer School, which is only until noon every day, and was a nice gradual flow into the lazier days of summer. This year, I've opted not to, so I have been instantly thrust into a wide open span of two or three months of sloth.

What the hell am I going to do with myself??! I am rereading the sixth Harry Potter book, just for the hell of it.... and, of course, in preparation for the upcoming movie! (That's right: I love Harry Potter. I'm an English teacher: isn't it an obvious thing or me to love all kinds of literature?!) Maybe I'll take up yoga again; after all my spotting paranoia in the 1T I've been too afraid to do anything "overly stretchy." Lame, I know - but I am feeling pretty damn good about this kid right now, who is currently finding my bladder her favorite new kick toy (thankfully those Kegels have thus far paid off!). Plus, I've got a pretty sweet prenatal yoga/exercise DVD I've been itching to start using again; I haven't picked it up since last October.

I unrelated news, my new guilty pleasure is I Didn't Know I was Pregnant on Discovery Health. Oh my Lord, I cannot express how much I love it. It is hilarious, fascinating, frustrating, and terrifying to me, all at once - and the reenactments are cheesy at best, which makes it all the more entertaining! I highly recommend it in a "hey I love documentaries about crazy shit" kind of way. I am in no way trying to be bitch about the seemingly endless supply of cluelessly pregnant women out there - it just boggles my mind how there are truly that many cases of women who carry a baby to full term and never have an inkling. It just goes to show how easily you can explain away a lot of pregnancy issues... though I have no idea how I would be explaining away this belly, and I am only halfway there!!!!! Like I said: fascinating.

Mini-Post: We're having a....

GIRL!!!!!!!

Of course, that was the last thing I was thinking of during the long-ass ultrasound (apparently my child favors the feet-above-the-head position, making some pictures hard to take for the tech), but it's awesome to know!!! :)

More later!

Psychotic immature whining about to ensue....

My sister is pregnant.

My little, bitty, baby.... okay, 22-year-old.... sister. Granted, she is 22. But she is still in college, and has over a year left. She JUST got married in December... and they started dating in October. Seriously. I love her husband (they used to date years ago), and I highly doubt they will ever separate or anything, but what the heck are they doing?! They planned this, apparently as soon as they found out I was pregnant. She stopped taking BCP, thinking it would take a year (seriously... she thought there was zero chance she could get pregnant right now), literally within weeks of her husband getting laid off of work. Oh, and they have zero savings, and tons of debt, and are chronic animal lovers (DEFINITELY not a fault.... when you have the adequate means to take care of them) and have adopted five dogs, four cats, two goats, two guinea pigs, a chinchilla, three rats, some kind of parrot, rabbits, a chicken, a squirrel.... I know I am forgetting a few things, and am in NO way exaggerating.... literally all since December. By the way, he is on unemployment, and she is taking a semester off school and is working at a vet full-time making about $10/hr. She has no idea how far along she is, possibly six weeks, and she is already telling everyone.

Now I have several major, legitimate problems with this, and several majorly irrational, selfish problems with this.

Logical/legitimate:
1) They are in serious debt, and have very little income right now
2) She has stated numerous times in the past year how she wanted to finish her college education before starting a family, and now it looks like she's at least complicated that
3) They've only been married five months, and only together for seven - is there some major reason they are rushing into this like one of them only have two years to live or something?!
4) They are already caring for five houses'-worth of animals, and have zero intention of giving them up
5) She hasn't even been to a doctor yet and they are already shouting it from the fucking rooftops... this is stupid because a) she should realize by now, given my history of miscarriage... as well as her best friend's... and our older sister's... that being cautious in the first trimester is not for the paranoid or hyperchondriatic, b) she has prior conditions stemming from a botched appendectomy that complicate things for her in that area, including tons of scarring, etc., and c) she is a red bull/monster drink addict, literally consuming 4-5 a day up until yesterday.

Much less logical/totally immature:
1) It has been nine years since there has been a grandchild on my side of the family, and everyone has been focusing on my pregnancy... something they rarely do since I am the one who "no one has to worry about" because we've tended to do things the traditional, college-then-house-then-pay-off-debt-then-save-then-have-a-kid route.... so I am not exactly fodder for my family's discussions. It's been pretty nice being the focus. Now my insanely irresponsible (by long-standing reputation), erratic little sister has gone and gotten knocked up, and it's much more interesting to talk about....and even care about.
2) I just have this feeling that even though she has in no way taken care of herself, and probably won't, the baby will be 100% fine. I, on the other hand, can't seem to make babies. Granted, my pregnancy is cruising along right now, but my impending ultrasound this Friday has gripped me with the intense feeling of dread that all will not be well.... again. My idiot sister will have children before me. Everyone will have children before me.
3) She is due somewhere in January or February. Probably January. Now, apparently, I am going to have to haul my ass down to my parents' (5-6 hours away) less than a month after giving birth for her baby shower, celebrating bad decisions. Also, that is apparently the only way she'll be able to see our child, as she's already told me there's no way in hell she's going to try to make it up to my home when my kid's born since she may or may not be in the beginning of her third trimester. My first child. She's cried with me for the past year and a half every time I lost a baby, and up until this point has been one of my biggest cheerleaders, but now it doesn't even matter to her. In addition, my parents are no longer planning to have Christmas at their house for the first time in the history of man because she won't be able to travel there. I guess my newborn will have to wait a few months to see its grandparents again, because they will be driving to see her (in the opposite driection of my house), who I am sure will not want them there when she's almost 9 months pregnant anyway, even though they'll be down there again in a matter of weeks for her delivery.

Oh my Lord, I sound like such a whiny, immature bitch. I HATEHATEHATE how family brings out the worst in me, especially since they are the ones I truly do love most in the world. I just need to get this shit out before I scream it in her face - or my mother's face - or some random stranger's face - and look like an idiot.... because I am sure it would be coming. The thing that made me the most pissed, though, is that she was terrified to tell me because she thought I would get upset. Granted, I am. But I would have never made that apparent to her. I will love and support her no matter what.

Yes, I am pissed. My niece (from our older sister) has gotten nine years of uninterrupted grandparent love, and my parents were so psyched to constantly see our kid. Now they are splitting their time between NW Pennsylvania and North Carolina, which doesn't exactly consitute frequent visits. Plus they are splitting their money - which is definitely the LEAST of my complaints, but still frustrating as my mom just told me yesterday they probably won't buy our crib now that they have to pay for two big things (one for each of us).... of course I am seriously not being greedy here but more worried - we hadn't saved for that because we have thought since last fall that was covered, and now who knows how we will do it.... because my retarded sister doesn't research the possible effectiveness of going off birth control.

BUT - back to my previous train of thought - I am just irritated that she is afraid to talk to me about it. I don't think she's competing with me, like she fears. I think she's an irresponsible idiot that has complicated things for me. When I stop thinking selfishly about my own wants and expectations for my family's attention to me, there is still the glaringly obvious fact that, yet again, she didn't think before she did something, and she's not even taking it seriously yet. Hopefully the reality will sink in quickly for her and she'll finally start growing up a bit, for her unborn child's sake at least. I truly do love her and want her, and her family, to be okay. That is the root of all of this.

...And I really am trying to get over the immature reasons I'm mad, too. :)

Seventeen weeks? ME?! You crazy.

Yes, I am the WORST blogger ever... and the next few weeks probably won't get any better. April and May in any school setting is insane, I am sure, and mine is no exception. Ay yay yay!

So here's an update:

How far along? 17 weeks and 1 day

Total weight gain/loss: Finally up two lbs... but my face looks more like ten. I thought I was carrying this kid in my ute, not my cheeks!
Maternity clothes? Some pants - bought a couple shirts I haven't really worn yet - still managing to rock the Bella bands at work with my regular pants (trying to hold out for the last few weeks)
Stretch marks? Nope
Sleep: Waking up to pee at least once, usually twice - easy to pass out, but wake up quite a bit.

Best moment this week: About 95% sure the baby was kicking me for about ten minutes... on Mother's Day! Also: great, uneventful appt on Tuesday.
Movement: See above - I am almost positive that's what I am feeling every now and then, but totally doubt myself
Food cravings: All I've wanted lately is fruit, of all kinds. Mmmmm.... smoothies....
Gender: Still thinking girl, but a couple times had an overwhelming "boy" sensation - so who knows
Labor Signs: N/A

Belly Button in or out? In...but beginning to widen a bit (clearly seeing the inside of my belly button is cracking me up for some reason)
What I miss: Mt. Dew - though I cracked and had about half a glass the other night; my Lucky jeans (no way my newly large and in charge ass is fitting in those for awhile!)

What I am looking forward to: My ultrasound on May 29 - open leg vibes, everyone!
Weekly Wisdom: Just because you are finally starting to feel better doesn't mean you are superwoman. Chill out or you'll end up crashing in the middle of 7th period.... not that I've done that.... (yet?)

Milestones: POSSIBLY feeling the baby move... verification to come soon, I hope!

I love and hate the end of the school year. There's so much excitement and anticipation, especially from my seniors (their last day of school is TUESDAY!)... that normally makes me sad, as it inevitably takes me back to May/June of 1999, deep in rural Southern PA, and my urgency to just get the year the hell over with already. I remember feeling sad because I had an underclassman boyfriend (I know, how scandalous of me) and was miserable at the fact that I wouldn't even spend the last few months before college with him, as I was literally moving three days after graduation to Ocean City MD for the summer.... which was an exhilarating, action-packed way to spend the months before college.... BUT now that I am ten years older and looking at it from the teacher perspective, and hear my students talking about Senior Week at Ocean City, I can't help but think, "Ohhhhhhh Lord... hopefully their parents never, EVER hear the details."

Don't get me wrong - I was responsible (I worked 7-10 hour shifts 6 days a week), BUT I was also 17 years old. God knows how I never got into any serious trouble down there.

But ANYWAY....

Drew and I are headed to Erie in a bit to do some preliminary registry creation, mostly to appease his mother, but also because I am a ridiculous planner and am trying to get as much done now as I can, while I have the energy to do so. I wish my mom could go along for some advice; plus, I really miss her. I haven't seen my family since Christmas, and it's killing me - we are so close emotionally, and I hate that my parents/older sister/niece are five hours away, and my younger sister is closer to twelve hours from here. Bleh. At least I will see all but YoungerSister over Memorial Day. Can't wait!

14 Week Update

I have been wanting to do this for a few weeks now, but have been too chicken to actually do it. Now that I'm into the 14th week, I figured I would take the plunge.

The hilarious and poignant Blair has done this for weeks in her journal, so all credit goes to her! I unceremoniously stole this from her, but I love it!

How far along? 14 weeks and 2 days

Total weight gain/loss: I initially lost 8 pounds... but have regained 4... at least I'm beginning to gain some weight again (Oh Lord; I will NEVER be happy to gain weight in any other time of my life!)
Maternity clothes? Some pants (eBay is a gold mine for cheap, NWT Gap maternity jeans, FYI!) but have been mostly using the Bella bands at work with my regular pants
Stretch marks? No
Sleep: Sleeping on my back is becoming uncomfortable and I miss it already! I normally wake up at 1:30 or so then again between 4 and 5 to pee. Bleh!

Best moment this week: Finally "coming clean" to my students/ fellow faculty members about being pregnant - and having a lot of my students (boys almost more than the girls) be adorably excited for me
Movement: Can't feel it yet... and can't wait until I do!
Food cravings: Turkey sandwiches... though the thought of heating it up beforehand makes me want to gag. Sigh.
Gender: I really have no idea... but for some reason am leaning toward a girl
Labor Signs: N/A

Belly Button in or out? In...but it's never been a "super-innie," so I have a feeling it will pop pretty early
What I miss: Not being nauseous 95% of the day; lunch meat; Mt. Dew

What I am looking forward to: Feeling the baby move; my next appt (May 12) because they will schedule the "BIG" u/s!!
Weekly Wisdom: Stop apologizing to your husband for doing things around the house if he is not complaining about it. He really does want to help! [This is obviously advice for myself....]
Also, teenagers really have no clue of the concept of trimesters/reasons for waiting to spread the news; I got so many insulted students when they found out how far along I was [rolling my eyes].

Milestones: Finally feeling comfortable enough to say I'm in the 2T/ share the news; finally starting to show!

I am officially....

IN THE SECOND TRIMESTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Woo hoooooo for thirteen terrifying, yet glorious weeks gone by!!!!